A reflection of when Gods plan doesn’t line up with your plan. Learn to trust God’s plan over your own, embrace surrender, and find peace through life’s challenges and divine provision.

Heres a starting point when trusting Gods plan over your own doesn’t come easily. In all honesty, this is an area that God is working on me in. Believe me, it has and continues to be painful. In this process, I am learning to trust Gods plan over my own. As we know, His plans are perfect. His story for us has already been written, it has a beginning and end, where my plans only see where I have been and where I wish to go.

In this writing, I want to be like a big sister or a best friend to you. I want to offer you some words of encouragement. Mostly, because I am writing to myself but hey, if you can glean hope from what God is teaching me…. even better!

I feel like for you to get the full picture and to see my view point you need to see where I have been, where I am and my expectation of where I thought I would be. Here we go, buckle up.

Alrighty, so a few (four exactly) years ago I was at home on maternity leave with my third son. Absolutely loving my job, I was on Maternity leave for what I thought was going to be 8 weeks. It seems so short I know but my husband and I live in a two income home so me staying home was not an option.. or so I thought. I would come to find out it was an option but I needed to trust Gods plan over my own plan.)

Flash forward, as we all know the world shut down in 2020. During that time, I was an Account Executive at a media company and had been for about 5 years. I don’t want to toot my own horn but I was really good at what I did. I was top seller in my market and one of the top sellers in the company. I was getting paid really great money, had amazing benefits, a flexible work schedule and never had to miss anything with our kids. I mean if I could have dreamt up my perfect life, this was it.

AND THEN, the world shut down. My eight weeks were up on maternity leave and it was time for me to go back to work. Only now, I was doing my same role at home with my babies.

Let me pause here to say, I feel so incredibly blessed to have kept my job and be able to still work from home and draw income. I know this was not the case for thousands, maybe millions of people. However, this was a HUGE shift for me. For the first time in my motherhood journey I was home with my babies for longer than six or eight weeks.

At that time we had a 5 year old, 3 year old and newborn at home. It was beautiful! Although, I was working, I was able to be here to see these babies grow, to play outside with them, to do the things that a stay at home mom was able to do. It felt…. really good, hard, but good. However, after about four months at home they lightened restrictions and wanted all of us back in the office. There, I went closing the season of being home with my babies to now sending them to daycare and school. It should have felt so good to get back to normal but I was so so sad.

However, God was now showing me that my identity was wrapped up in how I performed at my job. Unfortunately, the weight that comes from that would soon become too heavy to bear. Thats the beautiful thing about God, it’s not until things are in the rearview mirror that we see our Lord and Savior orchestrating our lives.

I continued to work full time until after my fourth son was born. At that time, I told my husband I couldn’t continue working full time and being the Wife and Mom that I felt like God was calling me to be. So, we talked about it and I visited with the Market Manager and CEO of the company and came up with what I thought was the BEST game plan. I was able to work two and a half days, give up some accounts (that if we are being honest weren’t my favorite anyways) and make pretty close to what I was making working full time. Except for, it was so hard. I had the weight of meeting hefty goals at work, doing the housework and meeting my own expectations for raising kids and caring for our home. It was way too much!

I felt the Lord continue to gently and loving tell me, it was time to step down from my “corporate” job and take on the challenge of being a stay at home Mom.

Now listen, at this point, I was so overwhelmed and burnt out. Jesus had taken a back seat and everything else was high priority. We now had four boys, 7 and under and I felt like I was ran ragged.

I had to travel an hour once a week for my job and I remember multiple times crying out to God and telling Him that this was so hard and I didn’t know how much longer I was going to be able to sustain the busyness of this season. It was wearing on me, emotionally more than I wanted to admit to anyone.

There I was driving back from one of my sales days, crying out to the Lord. Saying “why are things like this?”, “Don’t you love me?”, “Why would you put me through this season?”, “God I need a way out.” Y’all, He met me right there in the most broken place I could have been in that season.

He said, I have given you the way and the path but you have to take the steps. The blog came to my mind immediately. Something, I didn’t mention above is during my much longer than anticipated maternity leave, I started this blog. I have always loved new challenges and so I thought this could be a new challenge. Plus, I have a story to tell of what God has and continues to do in my life. This blog is part of His divine plan.

Shortly after that day in the car crying out to God we found out we were expecting baby #5 (which ended up being a beautiful baby girl). I was terrified, I was already completely overwhelmed with working and raising four kids, what does having a fifth baby look like. Not to mention, the age gap was going to be 20 months and I didn’t feel ready. Another place I needed to trust Gods plan over my own.

Now my husband is a phenomenal help but Moms just carry a different mental load then Dads do. (This is a great book for Mommas- Love your Kids without Losing yourself) I thought to myself, something has to give.

I went about two weeks after that drive and knew it was time to visit with my husband. We happened to be going on a morning walk before work one day and I knew I needed to share my heart. It was a terrifying conversation because I wasn’t sure how we were going to afford for me to be home. However, I knew the season of working was coming to a close and a new season was on the horizon. I needed to leave my job and be home with our babies.

Now y’all I had felt this nudge for about three years at this point but kept trying to push through because I didn’t trust that the Lord was going to provide.

I am a firm believer that God will take favor from you if you continue to ignore His will. Things at work started to fall apart, I no longer was hitting my quotas. I was constantly fighting with my husband and short with my kids. It just felt like I was close to breaking. In the last five years we have had SO much loss. Things just felt like they were in a downward spiral. I heard something the other day and its such a great reminder. “Delayed Obedience is still disobedience.” Wooooo, that’ll preach! It was time for me to let God be the provider and hang up thinking I or my husband was the provider.

THE LESSON

Delayed Obedience is still disobedience. We serve a jealous God who wants our yes.

Now, where I am currently. I’ve been at home for two years now.

If you are a Mom and you are reading this, know that you are not here by accident. God has and continues to teach me to put my trust in Him.

When I started staying home, I told my husband, “I’m going to work diligently on the blog and it will supplement the income we are losing. I even said, we aren’t going to drown because I WILL PROVIDE through the blog. Here I go entering a new season of staying home with the same mentality, that I will pave the way. Instead of holding my hands open and trusting Gods plan over my own. Oh my goodness you guys! Why is it so hard to trust that God is Yahweh-Yireh? God who provides! Guys, I can tell you two years later, this blog is not providing. In fact, it takes every month. It takes time and it takes money. However, here I am trying to fight through the feelings of inadequacy and tiredness to do what I feel like God has called me to do apart from being a Momma.

I will say these past two years God has provided for us in unimaginable ways and there has and continues to be a sanctification season. Y’all its painful to go through sanctification and most of the time feels like you are failing.

When I started staying home, my expectation was that the blog would instantly take off and make so much that my husband could leave the job that he doesn’t love. I had an expectation that our home would be clean, that dinner would be hot at 5 o’clock and life would be sunshine and rainbows.

Y’all, I’ve had to die to myself over and over and over again. The thought of taking family vacations or buying things for the kids. And most recently that we are able to spend however much money on Christmas. It’s been humbling to go from a two income to a one income home but the Lord has continued to provide.

He really goes over and beyond our expectations, I had three things I wanted but knew we couldn’t afford when I started staying home. I didn’t say it to anyone but just in my mind knew they were things I’d love. God provided them all through different ladies in my life. (A cup, a pool for the kids, and cloth diapers) It was amazing that these things just showed up. It was a way that God was nudging me again saying, I have you. I will provide. Please, trust Gods plan over your own. It’s a lot less painful because you can see his loving hand in it all.

As I write this it still brings to me to tears because He’s provided multiple times over the last year. It has taught me to leave room for God to work and to EXPECT Him to work. In fact, when our budget doesn’t line up I now have a budget line that says “Gods gift”.

Now, I say all of this to say I’ve struggled in ways I never thought I would struggle. I’ve dealt with postpartum depression. I’ve had days where I am sad that we can’t take the trip or buy the ____ (fill in the blank). I have had days where I am just mad. Staying home is one of the hardest and most rewarding things I have done. I have felt like a great Mom and I have felt like the worst Mom. When you are being sanctified it is or can be SO painful.

THE LESSON:

Sanctification is necessary. No one welcomes pain and heartache with open arms but in those seasons of deep desperation, that is when it stirs in us a longing for our Lord and Savior. If we bypassed the suffering, we wouldn’t experience the growth God has in store for us.

As I sit here, I’m currently cleaning our church and the company that I use to work for. I am truly being humbled to new levels. I had an expectation that I would be a blogger making enough money to support our family. That I would be speaking to other women about the things that I’ve gone through and continue to go through.

My reality is that Gods plan doesn’t line up with my plan. However, I am learning to trust Gods plan over my own. I am raising my babies to know their Lord and Savior. I am packing a lunch and making breakfast for my husband. I’m taking care of the home that the Lord has blessed us with.

What I am not doing is standing on the stage or making millions off of this blog. It can be hard to scrub toilets, but I rather be in heaven scrubbing toilets than in Hell.

My prayer is that God will continue to sanctify me to look more like His son Jesus Christ. Even as hard and painfully humbling as it can be sometimes. I pray the greatest tests of my life will turn into my greatest testimony. That He will lead others to His loving arms through me. I have a long way to go before God can use me the way I hope He uses me. However, if I’m scrubbing toilets the rest of my life, I pray that he will shape my mindset to do it for His glory.

Also, that I can see his thread weaved through every season of my life.

Remember my dear, if you’re being sanctified it’s because he sees something that can be used for His glory. Im begging you, Trust Gods plan over your own, it is so much more rewarding. He didn’t promise that it would be easy, but He did promise it would be worth it.

Here are a few verses that will provide strength when this life seems over-bearing.

“I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”- John 16:33

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” – Psalm 46:1

“Truly I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains by itself. But if it dies, it produces much fruit.” – John 12:24

Father God, I come to you in this moment and ask that you wrap your loving arms around this lady reading this today. Father, it is so hard to die to ourselves. It is so hard to wish things looked different. However, during this season I pray that you will allow her to rest in the Author of her story. I pray that she will know that you don’t allow our valleys to be wasted. Father, give her the strength to know that there is a season to Mourn and there is a season to dance. If she is currently in a season of mourning, there will be dancing on the horizon. I pray this all in your sons name, Amen.

With Love,

Mikala Mae

• Looking to learn about cloth diapering—> Start Here!
• Calm the Chaos with a Easy to Implement Ticket Reward System!—> Start Here!
• Are you or someone you know struggling with Postpartum Depression? —–> Start Here!